she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
