i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
