He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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