he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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