So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
