I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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