I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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