On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He kissed a someone with a penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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