you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
