I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
