Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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