Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
