he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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