I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
