Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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