dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
