So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
