Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
