Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
