Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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