coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
