I don't remember. Are we still dating?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
