I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
