I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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