i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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