Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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