dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
