At least make sure they are 18
Why
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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