I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
