he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I came so hard my ears popped.
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