Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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