Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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