I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
