he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
