sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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