I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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