Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
