just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
