Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
