Non-Jews are for practice
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
