So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
