Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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