I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
