Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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