Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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