No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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