girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
