I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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