I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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