i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
