I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
