My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
