God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
