let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
