Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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