she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
