If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
