i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
