They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
