guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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