yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
