God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
