if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
