i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize