My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
