I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
