So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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