I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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