youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
