I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.