first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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