Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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