wrigley field is MILF paradise
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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