she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
