Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad