I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
