We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.