I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."