Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked