If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.