ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.