its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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