Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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