she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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