Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
